My Zen Cat, "Boar" -- mechanism of zen --

I am the Boar. What do you want?

I have kept some cats till now, but I have never encountered

such a cat as Boar, which is artless, care-free, innocent and

lives so freely as he wishes. He makes it a rule to come to my

house for breakfast and supper at the regular time often with

dry fallen leaves all over his body, which he leaves all over

inside my house behind after entering my house. On rain days

after meal he usually remains on the yellow-colored mat in the

middle of the room lying on his back with his legs sticking out

high up in the air, often snoring , but on sunny days he goes

out soon after finishing meal to only God knows where. 

Sometimes I stroke his head while sleeping. At such times he

even doesn't trouble himself to open his eyelid. His face looks

as if he were saying " I will sleep when I want to whoever may touch me. He is always in the act of his wishes. In his way of

life is there no hesitation nor division between each act. Such

a way of life gives me an impression that he always acts receiving instructions from God. Boar is free from any kinds of

anxieties usually coming from the consciousness of me. In short , he seems to have already reached no-mind spiritual 

stage where only few zen priests can reach through whole 

self-abandonment life. 

Uncovered body against blizzard

It was on a mid-winter day. From the previous day it started to snow and the snow turned into blizzard toward midnight.
Windy snow rattled all the shutters all through night . The next
day I woke up to see the garden transformed into the white 
world. The snow was as deep as our knee. 
Worried about Boar, which usually sleeps outside, I was thinking of keeping Boar inside my house by force the day before. But after eating supper the day before, no sight of Boar anywhere.  "Where is he?"  "Where on earth is he gone?"  I was all my ears to any little sound outside. In order
to relieve this anxiety I even tried to make me believe " He is,
after all,  a zen cat. He won't die even in stormy snow." But
inside my heart I was so deeply worried about him that I had 
a sleepless night, waiting for dawn to break impatiently. The
next day I waited for him for an hour, but no sight of him. For
another hour I waited for him , but still no sight of him. Just
before I was about to give up waiting for him, I saw a black 
thing moving. It was Boar. He was rushing towards me in deeply accumulated snow . The imposing figure shining in the
sun even wore the atmosphere of dignity which only living
creatures that survived under impossible condition wear.
His way of life,living with nothing but only his body to depend on under any condition gallantly, gives us an impression that
he accepts whatever may come. It seems to me that he walks
firmly on the earth under the sun with readiness to die when
the time comes with an attitude having nothing to do with such a thing as social welfare. When I see Boar from such a 
viewpoint , he looks like a noble and resolute warrior in the
mirror of my eyes.

Boar with Buddha's smile

On a bright late autumn day Boar was lying with his face down
in the sun on the veranda after breakfast,which was unusual.
He looked totally relaxed sticking out his jaw lazily ahead. The expression filled with peace on his face , with his eyes closed,
looked just like that of Buddha's smile. Seeing such a peaceful
face of his which made me think that he may have reached a 
high spiritual stage, I felt tempted to peep into the inside of
his mind. Right beside him my wife was looking at him. " I wonder what on earth does Boar think about my wife?" " Is there any difference between Boar and me when it comes to
the recognition of my wife?" Such silly question occurred to 
my mind. 

Disappearance of my wife
The figure of my wife is reflected in the eyes of Boar and mine. As far as this stage there shouldn't be any difference
between the recognition of a human and a cat. Well, further than stage, ・・・・・
When my thought came to this point, a totally unexpected 
question came to my mind. My wife reflected in the pupils of
Boar and mine is not the same as my wife herself just like
objects seen through the lens of a camera! We recognize any
objects surrounding us through our perception. But if ・・・if

the mirror like the pupils of Boar and mine which can reflect
objects didn't exist, how can we be sure that ants walking on the ground, flowers , plants, stars and even the universe exist?
Everything that we think exist entirely depends on people, 
animals , whatever, that can recognize them. If so, what are the things we perceive? They are no more than the creation of our minds , not themselves. This idea horrified me, filling my
mind with bottomless anxieties and fear. I stared at my wife
for a long time.

My wife created with my mind
Then what is the thing which I have recognized as my wife so far? A rather tall woman with sloping shoulders? A woman who always suffers a loss because of the disposition of refraining from self-insistence? A woman who sheds tears a little after everyone does? A woman who I think will not abandon me even in critical situations? But these are only what I perceive and think my wife is. Then let's see the magic show of creating "my wife" out of nothing. First I perceive a certain object which is considered to be "my wife" with my limited five senses different from those of other people. Then what I perceived is recognized with my consciousness. At this stage
I recognized my wife's existence. What creates "my wife" comes after this stage. With the recognition of "my wife" , a 
certain mixed feeling rises up from within the bottom of my mind. The mixed feeling is one that is created with my numerous memories about her. Where are the numerous memories kept? They are stocked in my subconsciousness with countless memories of all kinds of experiences since my   birth ( maybe even before my birth?) , which creates the core of my subject, namely my present mirror reflecting the world.
Each one of us has a different mirror because we all have different experiences in our life. What finally forms "my wife"
is our egoistic instinct, whether we gain or lose in association
with my wife. These process takes places instantly at the same time and with new objects perceived by me the same
thing happen again and again endlessly ,creating new existences one after another. If this is how my wife is created , what I have recognized as my wife is no more than the creation of my mind, definitely not herself.




My wife created with Boa's 
 How about my wife recognized
by Boar? What Boar is most concerned about in his association with humans should be basically two things. One 
is whether the person feeds him or not and the other is whether the person is tender enough to treat him will with
loving heart. On these basis I should think that he forms what
each human is. In this regard my wife shouldn't be able to get
a score from Boar. She is not so passionate to Boar. She likes
only as much as she feeds him in my absence. Even as to affection, she doesn't cuddles him voluntarily while I show

him so much affection that he sometimes even sucks my finger when he is utterly relaxed .Regarding to this act of Boar's sucking my finger, I interpret it as the remain of
his long past memories of sucking his mother's nipple after his
birth. What creates " my wife are all these Boar's emotion sensed through his sharp cat's five senses and memories about " my wife" , and the core of Boar's subject, namely his 
present mirror, which was made with the memories of all kinds of countless physical experiences , reflecting the world creates " my wife" . If it is so, my wife recognized by Boar is not my wife herself. 


The meaning of reaching my wife herself

Well, where on earth can I find the substance of my wife? I do want to touch the substance of my wife without depending on my perception even if it costs all my life. Reaching my wife herself can mean , if broadly comprehended,  in principle,  the same as reaching the transitory world in which everything keeps moving without stopping even for a second.
Such a thought flashed across my mind.

Boar is gone.
Boar hasn't come. It often happened that he hadn't come for
a couple days in the past time. But never , never so long as
more than five days. All my senses are directed to Boar's

return. My mind is always tense with any little things and sounds, which makes me think that it could be・・・・. Even when walking in the nearby area, my mind is never at peace 
hoping " Somewhere, maybe in that bush? in the ditch? and
so on." I haven't experienced this kind of throbbing feeling
since my first romance.
A month passed. 
Never can I see that innocent -looking face nor that fat body?
It is heart-breaking to think that I may lose that simple and
innocent creature. "Where on earth is Boar gone?" 
At last three months passed. 
The idea that Boar won't come back any more wounds my heart deeply still now. But on the other hand I started to think
this way. " Boar is a zen cat as might have been expected.
Suddenly he appeared and suddenly disappeared. He didn't 
leave any kind of sentimentality in my heart at all. Somehow
everything he left is refreshing.

The way of life shown by Boar
Boar left me many things. Everything that we think has, after
all, no substance but no more than things created with our minds, namely relativity, void, sunya (空) . The world is always in a constant state of change and transitory like Boar's sudden appearance and disappearance. Humans have quibbled this unbearable but undeniable truth and have done all kinds of things to make our existence meaningful in this cosmos. Under one culture , for example , people created God and under other cultures people buried the truth in the narrow consciousness of every day life. But Boar lived with a light heart , accepting the absolute truth.  In Boar's eyes were seen no sighs of existential shadow nor fear of death unlike
old people of today who pretend to be in a good shape. All
through his flesh, exhaustless and fresh vitality appeared to be always springing up. All his acts were connected with eternity.
Therefore there was no hesitation nor division between each
act. Boar's consciousness was always  active and proceeding
ahead. Boar may have known instinctively that self was only
a mirror reflecting the world and that truly living meant the
continuous reflection of the constantly changing world with
colorless and transparent mind. To live means seeing, hearing,
touching and so on. Therefore self recognized by other people
is not self itself. Needless to say, our bodies are not ours but
only the recognition of other people. Let's leave such a thing
as our bodies to other people.

No mind world released from human color
In the end an unanswered question remains. That is how to
reach my wife in herself. To the question my answer is as
follows. It is possible only when we make our mind so totally

selfless and transparent that our mind can reflect any object purely as they are. When the consciousness of me entirely dies out, my wife and no-self  of me melts into one, nullifying the distinction. But even for a second if I thought that I reached true herself, my wife and my mind separate and true herself turns into my wife created with my mind, which may be
applied to the all phenomena in the world.
In short, when the consciousness of me disappears, true beings
appear in metaphysical sense. Zen priest's acts,which appear to be eccentric in our eyes , can be understood in this context. Surprisingly we may have already had similar experiences of such a kind in our daily life. You know what it
feels like when you are entirely absorbed in something without
thinking of the result of your activity. That feeling of fullness
and mental strain. When we are in such a state , we are in the
world beyond human perception free from the division of living
and death! 

At midnight a cat is mewing somewhere. "Maybe, that cat could be・・・・・. "Maybe that cat could be ・・・・.

My Zen Cat , 木枯らしのボア

「俺はボアだ、文句あっか！」

今まで何匹か猫を飼ったきた。しかしボアほど天真爛漫、何事にも屈託なく自由気ままというか…あるがままに生きている猫は初めてだ。朝と夕方ほぼ定刻に食事のために僕の所に枯葉を

体中一杯くっつけやって来て、部屋中まき散らし、食事がすむと、雨の日は部屋の真ん中に大きなずう体を両手両足を伸ばしきって仰向けに横たわり、時として猫の分際で大いびきをかき、晴れた日はどこへ行くやらプイと出て行ってしまう。又、ボアが寝ている時その邪心無き顔を撫でてみても、半野良のありながら全く警戒心はなく撫ぜるがままに任せ、まるで「俺は眠たいんだ。誰が触ろうと眠たいときはただ眠る。」と言ってるがごとく常に自分の欲する行為の中にいる。ボアの生き方に逡巡はない。一瞬一瞬の行為の間に分断はなく、常に神の啓示を受けて

行動している様にさえ見える。そこには我という意識から生じる

苦悩はない。つまり禅僧が自己意識から生まれる苦悩を克服するために一生かけて辿りつく着く無心の境地を努力せずして既に体得している様にさえ見えるのだ。

猛吹雪も、もろともせず

ある真冬日の事だ。前日から猛吹雪になり 、雨戸に吹雪が容赦なく打ち付け翌朝起きてみると庭は銀世界になっていた。雪はくるぶしまで積もっている。前日から「いくら自由を愛するボアでも
今夜は家の中に無理矢理でも閉じこめておかなくては」と、考えていたのだが、夕食を食べ終わるといつもの様にプイと出て行ったまま姿が見えない。「禅猫、ボアの事だ。死のようなことはないだろう。」と上さんと話していたが、心の中では心配しながら一夜を過ごす。翌朝朝食に来るボアを今か今かと待っていたが一向に現われない。通常の朝食時間から遅れること３時間。来た。
雪の中をズボズボと体を埋もれながら飛ぶようにこちらに向かってくるのは紛れもなくボアだ。その日光を浴びた雄姿は極限状態を生き抜いた者のみもつ威厳すら感じられる。どんな状況でも身一つでさっそうと生きている生き様は、運命を受け入れている。生活保護、弱者救済の様なものとは全く違った地平線で
ただ、お天道様の下を大地を踏みしめ闊歩し「命尽きたら、その時までよ。」云ったその覚悟は毅然として気高ささえ漂っている。

仏陀の微笑みを浮かべたボア

小春日和の麗かなある日。ボアは珍しく食事を終えても窓際で日向ぼっこをしている。顎を前にだらしなく突出し、うつ伏せに
横たわり全身力を抜いて畳に身体を投げ出している。目を閉じ平安に満ちたその表情はさながら仏陀の微笑みといたところだ。そんな精神て高い境地に達しているように見えるボアを見て、その心の中を覗くてみたくなった。そばには上さんがいる。
一体ボアは上さんをどう思っているのだろうか？又、ボアと僕の
上さんに対する認識はどう違うのだろうか？等の愚問が僕の心の中に湧いてきた。

消えた上さん

僕とボアの目の中に上さんの姿が映る。ここまでは僕とボアの間に違いはないであろう。その先の認識となると・・・と考えたのころで全く想定しなかった疑問が僕の心の中に起こった。僕とボアの目の中に映った上さんはカメラのレンズを通して見た被写体と同じで、上さんそのものではない。僕達の網膜に映った上さんが肉体を持った実際の上さんどうして同じと言えるのか？しかし僕は自分の知覚神経を通すしか上さんを認識できないのだ！目を閉じる。すると上さんは消える。耳をふさぐ。すると上さんの声は聞こえない。もし、もし、僕とボアの様な上さんを映し出す鏡のようなものが存在しなかったら、どうして上さんは存在しているといえるのか？地面の蟻、星、いや宇宙の存在さえ同じだ。結局、すべてが僕たちの心が作り出す創造物に過ぎなく、その物自体を存在しないということになるではないか？この疑問に僕の心は驚愕し、とてつもない不安が僕の心を覆った。そしてまじまじと上さんの顔を見た。

僕の心が作り出す上さん

では今まで僕が上さんと認識していた存在は何者？背が高くなで肩の人。自己主張せずいつも損をしている人。人とちょっとずれて涙を流す人。と云った表面的な僕の意識の中の彼女の記
憶。そして僕の主体の基層を形成した僕の潜在意識の奥底にに眠っているこれまでの無数の経験。例えば、僕は９人の従弟で一番下だった。事あるごとに、「お前はビケなんだから」の苦汁をなめてきた。そうした僕の無数の記憶が僕の目に上さんの像が映った時一瞬のうちに作用し、損得に根差した我欲に着色され僕の上さん像を作り上げる。という事なのか？しかしそれはあくまで僕の主観が彼女の存在を作り出すわけで、上さんそのもではない。

ボアの心が作り出す上さん

ではボアが認識する上さんとは？上さんのボアに対する扱いは比較的クールだ。僕がいない時は僕に代わってボアに食事をあげてくれるが、自ら撫ぜることはない。ボアにとって上さんは最重要な存在とは言い難い。と云ったところがボアの上さんに対するイメージだろう。そうしたボアの上さんへの記憶。
そして鋭敏な猫の嗅覚を通しての上さんに対する好悪感。又、
ボアが生まれた直後口にくわえた母親の乳房の感触と云ったボアの潜在意識の中に埋もれたボアの主観の根源となっている
そうした生れて以来の無数の経験（時として僕の指を吸うのはそうした遠い過去の記憶か？）が影響し合いやはり僕の上さん像を作り上げる。という事なのか？しかしボアの心が作り上げた上さんはもちろん上さん自身ではない。では上さん自身は一体どこに？


上さんそのものに触れたい

僕は上さんそのものに触れたい。知覚神経を通さず直接上さんの存在を感じたい。そんな術が？そして僕は考える。そうだ。上さんそのものに触れることは僕を取り囲む全ての存在に達することと同じことではないか？すると、上さんそのものに達することとは、拡大解釈するならば何事も一瞬として留まることのない無常なる真実の世界、いや宇宙にも直接触れること同じことではないか？と云う考えが湧いてきた。

ボアが帰ってこない

もう５日になる。ボアが最後に食事に来てから。数日の外泊は過去にもざらにあった。しかし５日も来ないことはなかった。どこで食事をしているのだろうか？不安は募る。僕の五感は全てボアの帰還に向かっている。ほんのちょっとしたした気配、足音に
「もしかしたら？」と心はピリピリしている。近隣を散歩しても「どこかにボアが…」と心休まることはない。こんな気持ちは初恋以来だ。一か月が過ぎ去った。あの天真爛漫な顔、でかいずう体
はもう二度と見られないのか？邪心無き物を失うことは深く心痛む。帰ってこない。帰ってこない。今一体ボアはどこに？待つこと三か月。「ボアはもう帰ってこないだろう。」の思いに今もなお心痛む。しかし、一方こうも考えるようにもなってきた。「さすがボアだ。突如僕のもとに現れ突如消えていった。ボアが僕の心に残した余韻に感傷はない。何故かすべて爽やかだ。身一つで天地を生きた者のみ残す爽やかさだ。

ボアが示した生き様

ボアは僕に多くの事は残してくれた。畢竟、我々が「有」と思っている全ては実体はなく我々の心が作り出した創造物に過ぎなく
真実は「空」である事。ボアが突如現れ消えて行った様に全ては刻々と移り変わり、地球さえもいずれ消え去る運命にあるのだという事。この耐え難き絶対真理に対し、人類はあらゆる詭弁を弄し人間存在の意味付けを行ってきた。ある文化では神を持ち出し、ある文化では人間社会にのみ意識を埋没させることによって。しかしボアは、人間が歴史を通して避けてきた絶対真理を受け入れ、飄々と生きた。ボアの目には元気いっぱいを装っている今日の老人の目の中にみられる実存の影、死の不安はなかった。常に枯渇することないみずみずし生命の泉が湧き出てい様に見えた。ボアの全行為は永遠に結びいていた。だから逡巡はなく、行為と行為の間に亀裂がなかった。ボアの意識は常に能動的だった。ボアは真の自己とは世界を映し出す鏡で、真に生きるとは刻々変化する世界を真っ白な心で映し続
けるという事を本能的に知っていたのかもしれない。生きるとは
見ることであり、聞くことであり、触れることであり、考えることである。よって他者に認識される自分は自分そのものではない。
もちろん自分の死体も他者の認識に過ぎない。それは他人に任せておけばよい事だ。

人間色から解放された無心の世界

それでは上さんそのものに達する方法とは？それは自分の心を
限りなく無色透明にし、純白になった心で上さんんを映し出すことによってのみ可能となるということであろう。自己意識が完全に消滅したとき、僕と上さんは融合し一つになり僕と上さんの区別がなくなる。しかし一瞬でもそうした状態を対象化しようとすると僕と上さんは離れ、上さんは僕の作り出した上さんに変化する。僕を取り囲む世界も同様、僕の心が純白になった時本当の姿が現れるということだろう。僕たちはそれに近い経験を日常生活で既ににしているかも知れない。例えば、結果にこだわらずある一つの事にすべてを忘れ無心に成り切って没頭したときのあの心の張りと充実感。その時何の不安もなかった。その時僕たちは人間の認識を超えた生死のない永遠と無限の世界に足を踏み入れていたのだ。

全てが寝静まった深夜。どこかで猫が鳴いている。「あの鳴き声はもしかしたら…・・？」