I am the Boar. What do you want?
I have kept some cats till now, but I have never encountered
such a cat as Boar, which is artless, care-free, innocent and
lives so freely as he wishes. He makes it a rule to come to my
house for breakfast and supper at the regular time often with
dry fallen leaves all over his body, which he leaves all over
inside my house behind after entering my house. On rain days
after meal he usually remains on the yellow-colored mat in the
middle of the room lying on his back with his legs sticking out
high up in the air, often snoring , but on sunny days he goes
out soon after finishing meal to only God knows where.
Sometimes I stroke his head while sleeping. At such times he
even doesn't trouble himself to open his eyelid. His face looks
as if he were saying " I will sleep when I want to whoever may touch me. He is always in the act of his wishes. In his way of
life is there no hesitation nor division between each act. Such
a way of life gives me an impression that he always acts receiving instructions from God. Boar is free from any kinds of
anxieties usually coming from the consciousness of me. In short , he seems to have already reached no-mind spiritual
stage where only few zen priests can reach through whole
self-abandonment life.
Uncovered body against blizzard
It was on a mid-winter day. From the previous day it started to snow and the snow turned into blizzard toward midnight.
Windy snow rattled all the shutters all through night . The next
day I woke up to see the garden transformed into the white
world. The snow was as deep as our knee.
Worried about Boar, which usually sleeps outside, I was thinking of keeping Boar inside my house by force the day before. But after eating supper the day before, no sight of Boar anywhere. "Where is he?" "Where on earth is he gone?" I was all my ears to any little sound outside. In order
to relieve this anxiety I even tried to make me believe " He is,
after all, a zen cat. He won't die even in stormy snow." But
inside my heart I was so deeply worried about him that I had
a sleepless night, waiting for dawn to break impatiently. The
next day I waited for him for an hour, but no sight of him. For
another hour I waited for him , but still no sight of him. Just
before I was about to give up waiting for him, I saw a black
thing moving. It was Boar. He was rushing towards me in deeply accumulated snow . The imposing figure shining in the
sun even wore the atmosphere of dignity which only living
creatures that survived under impossible condition wear.
His way of life,living with nothing but only his body to depend on under any condition gallantly, gives us an impression that
he accepts whatever may come. It seems to me that he walks
firmly on the earth under the sun with readiness to die when
the time comes with an attitude having nothing to do with such a thing as social welfare. When I see Boar from such a
viewpoint , he looks like a noble and resolute warrior in the
mirror of my eyes.
Boar with Buddha's smile
On a bright late autumn day Boar was lying with his face down
in the sun on the veranda after breakfast,which was unusual.
He looked totally relaxed sticking out his jaw lazily ahead. The expression filled with peace on his face , with his eyes closed,
looked just like that of Buddha's smile. Seeing such a peaceful
face of his which made me think that he may have reached a
high spiritual stage, I felt tempted to peep into the inside of
his mind. Right beside him my wife was looking at him. " I wonder what on earth does Boar think about my wife?" " Is there any difference between Boar and me when it comes to
the recognition of my wife?" Such silly question occurred to
my mind.
Disappearance of my wife
The figure of my wife is reflected in the eyes of Boar and mine. As far as this stage there shouldn't be any difference
between the recognition of a human and a cat. Well, further than stage, ・・・・・
When my thought came to this point, a totally unexpected
question came to my mind. My wife reflected in the pupils of
Boar and mine is not the same as my wife herself just like
objects seen through the lens of a camera! We recognize any
objects surrounding us through our perception. But if ・・・if
the mirror like the pupils of Boar and mine which can reflect
objects didn't exist, how can we be sure that ants walking on the ground, flowers , plants, stars and even the universe exist?
Everything that we think exist entirely depends on people,
animals , whatever, that can recognize them. If so, what are the things we perceive? They are no more than the creation of our minds , not themselves. This idea horrified me, filling my
mind with bottomless anxieties and fear. I stared at my wife
for a long time.
My wife created with my mind
Then what is the thing which I have recognized as my wife so far? A rather tall woman with sloping shoulders? A woman who always suffers a loss because of the disposition of refraining from self-insistence? A woman who sheds tears a little after everyone does? A woman who I think will not abandon me even in critical situations? But these are only what I perceive and think my wife is. Then let's see the magic show of creating "my wife" out of nothing. First I perceive a certain object which is considered to be "my wife" with my limited five senses different from those of other people. Then what I perceived is recognized with my consciousness. At this stage
I recognized my wife's existence. What creates "my wife" comes after this stage. With the recognition of "my wife" , a
certain mixed feeling rises up from within the bottom of my mind. The mixed feeling is one that is created with my numerous memories about her. Where are the numerous memories kept? They are stocked in my subconsciousness with countless memories of all kinds of experiences since my birth ( maybe even before my birth?) , which creates the core of my subject, namely my present mirror reflecting the world.
Each one of us has a different mirror because we all have different experiences in our life. What finally forms "my wife"
is our egoistic instinct, whether we gain or lose in association
with my wife. These process takes places instantly at the same time and with new objects perceived by me the same
thing happen again and again endlessly ,creating new existences one after another. If this is how my wife is created , what I have recognized as my wife is no more than the creation of my mind, definitely not herself.
My wife created with Boa's
How about my wife recognized
by Boar? What Boar is most concerned about in his association with humans should be basically two things. One
is whether the person feeds him or not and the other is whether the person is tender enough to treat him will with
loving heart. On these basis I should think that he forms what
each human is. In this regard my wife shouldn't be able to get
a score from Boar. She is not so passionate to Boar. She likes
only as much as she feeds him in my absence. Even as to affection, she doesn't cuddles him voluntarily while I show
him so much affection that he sometimes even sucks my finger when he is utterly relaxed .Regarding to this act of Boar's sucking my finger, I interpret it as the remain of
his long past memories of sucking his mother's nipple after his
birth. What creates " my wife are all these Boar's emotion sensed through his sharp cat's five senses and memories about " my wife" , and the core of Boar's subject, namely his
present mirror, which was made with the memories of all kinds of countless physical experiences , reflecting the world creates " my wife" . If it is so, my wife recognized by Boar is not my wife herself.
The meaning of reaching my wife herself
Well, where on earth can I find the substance of my wife? I do want to touch the substance of my wife without depending on my perception even if it costs all my life. Reaching my wife herself can mean , if broadly comprehended, in principle, the same as reaching the transitory world in which everything keeps moving without stopping even for a second.
Such a thought flashed across my mind.
Boar is gone.
Boar hasn't come. It often happened that he hadn't come for
a couple days in the past time. But never , never so long as
more than five days. All my senses are directed to Boar's
return. My mind is always tense with any little things and sounds, which makes me think that it could be・・・・. Even when walking in the nearby area, my mind is never at peace
hoping " Somewhere, maybe in that bush? in the ditch? and
so on." I haven't experienced this kind of throbbing feeling
since my first romance.
A month passed.
Never can I see that innocent -looking face nor that fat body?
It is heart-breaking to think that I may lose that simple and
innocent creature. "Where on earth is Boar gone?"
At last three months passed.
The idea that Boar won't come back any more wounds my heart deeply still now. But on the other hand I started to think
this way. " Boar is a zen cat as might have been expected.
Suddenly he appeared and suddenly disappeared. He didn't
leave any kind of sentimentality in my heart at all. Somehow
everything he left is refreshing.
The way of life shown by Boar
Boar left me many things. Everything that we think has, after
all, no substance but no more than things created with our minds, namely relativity, void, sunya (空) . The world is always in a constant state of change and transitory like Boar's sudden appearance and disappearance. Humans have quibbled this unbearable but undeniable truth and have done all kinds of things to make our existence meaningful in this cosmos. Under one culture , for example , people created God and under other cultures people buried the truth in the narrow consciousness of every day life. But Boar lived with a light heart , accepting the absolute truth. In Boar's eyes were seen no sighs of existential shadow nor fear of death unlike
old people of today who pretend to be in a good shape. All
through his flesh, exhaustless and fresh vitality appeared to be always springing up. All his acts were connected with eternity.
Therefore there was no hesitation nor division between each
act. Boar's consciousness was always active and proceeding
ahead. Boar may have known instinctively that self was only
a mirror reflecting the world and that truly living meant the
continuous reflection of the constantly changing world with
colorless and transparent mind. To live means seeing, hearing,
touching and so on. Therefore self recognized by other people
is not self itself. Needless to say, our bodies are not ours but
only the recognition of other people. Let's leave such a thing
as our bodies to other people.
No mind world released from human color
In the end an unanswered question remains. That is how to
reach my wife in herself. To the question my answer is as
follows. It is possible only when we make our mind so totally
selfless and transparent that our mind can reflect any object purely as they are. When the consciousness of me entirely dies out, my wife and no-self of me melts into one, nullifying the distinction. But even for a second if I thought that I reached true herself, my wife and my mind separate and true herself turns into my wife created with my mind, which may be
applied to the all phenomena in the world.
In short, when the consciousness of me disappears, true beings
appear in metaphysical sense. Zen priest's acts,which appear to be eccentric in our eyes , can be understood in this context. Surprisingly we may have already had similar experiences of such a kind in our daily life. You know what it
feels like when you are entirely absorbed in something without
thinking of the result of your activity. That feeling of fullness
and mental strain. When we are in such a state , we are in the
world beyond human perception free from the division of living
and death!
At midnight a cat is mewing somewhere. "Maybe, that cat could be・・・・・. "Maybe that cat could be ・・・・.
いかなる宗教であろうとも、その本質は「私は弱い人間です。どうか御助けを！」の声に優しく耳を傾け、「私も弱い人間なんです。一緒に助けを乞い求めましょう。」の絶望の共有に基づく
僕はその孤独からの救いを禅に求めた。西洋文学などを通して知ったキリスト教を中心とする一神教は、率直なところ嘘っぽく感じたからである。しかし最近僕は禅の持つ排他性に自分も含めて本当に命を捨てるほどの精神的覚悟のない弱き者[遠藤周作著「沈黙」の吉次郎等］が、禅によって救われえるのか？という疑問が湧いてきたのである。そして聖書をひも解いてみた。
現代人は幼少のころから心身共々あまり苦悩の経験なく知識だけ豊富になり、それが増々人々を不安の種にしているように思う。平均寿命に対する意識過剰がその好例だ。「人間病気になれば病気成り切り、死ぬときは死ねばよい。」という良寛の言葉は心を軽くしてくれる。そこには禅的永遠の平安がある。
